The Art of Negotiating, Part 2

[Part 1 of the Negotiating Series]

In the first part of the series, I talked about how attitude will affect your negotiation process. For both sides of the negotiation table a positive attitude and willingness to listen to each other will go a long way in coming up with a mutually satisfying agreement.

Today I’ll be discussing expectations in negotiation. This, above else, is where most people trip up the process. Many couples go into a negotiation with unrealistic expectations of the outcome and come out (often bitterly) disappointed that they didn’t get what they wanted.

A quick example of unrealistic expectations: A seamstress colleague of mine was asked to create a Reem Acra-inspired gown for a bride. The seamstress quoted a price and the bride came back with a counter-offer almost 1/2 less than the quote. The seamstress declined. The bride was very upset and couldn’t understand why the seamstress wouldn’t work with her. Afterall, she heard having a seamstress make a dress was cheaper than buying from a salon. It wasn’t like this seamstress was Reem Acra herself!

The problem here is that the bride expected couture-quality design at a discount mart price. From the seamstress’ point of view, the counter-offer wouldn’t have covered her expenses. There was no way she was going to work for free – nor should she be expected to. Had the bride suggested 5%  less, the seamstress may have been able to accommodate her with slight adjustments to the gown’s design/materials. That the client automatically assumed she’d work at half price killed the deal completely.

So, how do you set realistic expectations with wedding vendors?

1. Have a budget in place before you speak to any vendor. Knowing how much you actually have in hand to spend on any service or object is an absolute must before you negotiations can begin. The vendor doesn’t need to know this amount but YOU do.
2. Pick your vendors wisely. Most unrealistic expectations start with the notion that all vendors can work with people of all budgets. That’s not true. Know what you can afford before you pick your vendors and pick your vendors according to their standard fees. Expecting a $20/slice Silvia Weinstock cake when you have a $3/slice budget isn’t going to happen, no matter how charming you are during negotiation.
3. Don’t expect deep discounts on custom-designed services or products. There’s this weird notion that handcrafted or a la carte services are worth less than pre-packaged, off-the-shelf solutions. Not true, not true, not true.
4. Know that you’ll likely have to give up something in the negotation process to make it worth the vendor’s time/efforts. If you’re looking to get a lower price on, say, your catering quote, you’ll have to start deducting items from the menu or choose less-expensive alternatives to the things you want to serve. Remember: negotiation will only work if it’s a win-win situation for both parties.
5. Understand that vendors are under no obligation to alter their prices or services for you at all. I touched on this in Part 1 and it needs to be said again and again. Automatically expecting them to wheel ‘n’ deal isn’t realistic or fair. When they do so, consider it a personal favor and, please, don’t try to bully them into it. I hear a lot of stories from vendors about couples throwing tantrums, threatening to write bad reviews, and all sorts of dirtbag behaviour to try to coerce vendors into giving discounts. You don’t waltz into Bloomingdale’s or Wal-Mart or and demand a discount just for being you. You’ll get laughed out of the store. Same with wedding vendors.

In the next installment we’ll talk about positive negotiating tactics and how being flexible with the outcome of any negotiation will better help get you close to your negotiation goals.

[edited to add point #2]

The Art of Negotiating, Part 1

Few things cause as much agony in the bridalsphere, from both couples and vendors, as negotiation. In my behind-the-scenes dealings with my wedding industry colleagues and with my interactions with you I’m privvy to both sides of the negotation table. What I see is a lot of misunderstanding and oftentimes bad advice (on both sides) about how to negotiate.

To start off, let’s look at what the worst missteps I see couples making in the negotiation process are:

1. Lack of courtesy and respect for the vendor and the her time, talent, and product/service.
2. Unrealistic expectations of the outcome of the negotiation.
3. Inflexible about the terms of the negotiation.

These 3 points almost always kill the negotiation process and any chance you may have of getting a better deal for yourself. Why? Simply put: they’re all ego-based actions and offer the vendor no incentive to do you a favor. (And, yes, anytime a vendor alters her standard product, services, or prices to accommodate your needs it is an act of benevolence on their part. You’re not automatically entitled to those things.)

Over the next few days, we’ll take a look at the negotiation killers and ways to have drama-free, positive negotiations with your vendors.

The first one I want to talk about is lack of courtesy and respect for the vendor and the her time, talent, and product/service.

Most vendors work exceedingly hard to create their products or deliver their services. They rightfully expect to be fairly compensated for their time, supplies, expertise, and business expenses. They set their prices to ensure they cover their expenses and make a reasonable profit otherwise their business can’t survive. That’s business 101, right?

When couples approach a vendor with an attitude of entitlement or a mindset that they’re going into battle, it pretty much shuts down the negotiation process before it begins. Many vendors in the industry expect (and even welcome) some negotiation.  All of them expect to be treated with respect and dignity during the process as much as you do.

An appreciation and understanding of their work/efforts/talents goes a long way. For example, while a wedding cake may look like just flour, sugar, eggs and frosting why should you pay $5.00 a slice for that? — so much more goes into creating one: like tens of hours of decorating, baking, training, product testing, recipe developing, high priced equipment, and a bunch other stuff just to get a cake to your reception. All of these things cost time and money to produce for you. Looking at it from that standpoint may help you understand why Chrissy Cakebaker can’t offer you an “Ace of Cakes” inspired creation for $1/slice.

It’s important to keep in mind that most small, independent wedding pros aren’t independently wealthy and are likely barely making a living off of their businesses. I mention this because demanding extras or reduced pricing seriously affects every businesses’ bottom line  and their ability to sustain themselves. Some businesses by virtue of their business model or the economic conditions in their area cannot afford to negotiate on price at all. While this is ultimately not your problem, your budget restrictions are not their problem either. The whole point of negotiation is to come to an agreement that suits both parties. You know – a win/win situation.

Approach your vendors with an attitude of kindness, understanding, and collaboration. It’s your best bet for a positive outcome.

posted by m.e. for k.c.