We’re trying to figure out what to serve our guests (170 ppl) at a 4pm reception. Our budget is $1000 for the food. We don’t want our guests to be hungry but we don’t have a lot of money to feed everyone. We’re thinking appetizers-only. How would this be worded on the invitation so our guests would know?

Hors d’oeuvre receptions are a lot of fun if they’re done well. Hang on here – I’m going on a slight tangent.

My concern here is not the wording but that you’re expecting to feed 170 guests on less than 6 bucks per head. Anonymous, that’s unreasonable even if you do only appetizers & non-alcoholic drinks or go 100% DIY.

Let’s do some math here. 4 pm is close to meal time so your guests through the course of a 4-hour reception will get pretty hungry.

• You’ll need about 6 – 8 appetizers per person per hour. A 4 hour event x 6 appetizers x 170 people = 4080 appetizers.
• You can count on about 5 drinks per person during that time; 850 beverages, minimum. (5 drinks x 170 people.)

You have $1000. So, if you can work in appetizers at an unheard of cost of $0.20 per appetizer, for example, you’ll spend $816.00, which leaves $184 for beverages, about $0.21 per drink. None of this includes plates, napkins, cups, etc. This is just food & non-alcohol bev.

Please, please, please revisit your plans and budget. I know you’re on a tight budget but that’s no excuse not to treat your guests well. Perhaps a pot-luck dinner would be a better option for you? Or cut the guest list dramatically so that you can spend a more realistic amount on food and drinks.

I’m not saying this to bring you down, I’m looking out for you and your guests here.

As for wording, on the reception card or at the end of your invite wording: “Cocktail reception and dancing to follow at….” would be fine.

The bride’s parents are hosting the wedding.  The groom’s mom passed away a few years ago and the groom’s father may or may not be at the wedding. The bride & groom have a daughter together (almost 1 yr old) and the groom also has 5 other kids (2-3 of them will be present @ wedding).

How do they include everyone on the invite as all are especially important to the couple?

Strict etiquette dictates that whomever is hosting the event is included on the invitation. Why? Because you really have no right to send invitations to a party you’re not throwing.

But we Real Etiquette-ettes get where you’re coming from. It’s a family thing. You love ‘em and want them all to feel as though they’re a part of this grand day. No harm in that. The problem here is that you’re wanting to send an invite from 11 people for an event to celebrate 2.

First of all, don’t list everyone’s names on the invitation.

Your best bet is to use family-oriented wording that tells the guests that the bride’s parents are hosting but the immediate families of the bride and groom are involved. However, the best spot for honoring your family is in the text of a wedding program or at the speeches during the reception.

Together with their families

Bride’s Name
and Groom’s Name

request the pleasure of your company
as they celebrate the union of their families

Saturday, the eleventh of May
two thousand and nine
at half past four in the afternoon

Saint Whatever Church
1245 Main Street
Your City, State

Reception to follow

OR

Mr. and Mrs. Jack Smith
request the pleasure of your company
as we bring together our families for a joyous day of celebration
at the marriage of their daughter

Jennifer Smith
to
Lucas Jones

Son of Mr. Mark Jones and the late Elizabeth Jones

Saturday, the eleventh of May
two thousand and nine
at half past four in the afternoon

Saint Whatever Church
1245 Main Street
Your City, State

DIYers, do you have any simple wording suggestions for Kimberly?

Our Take: We love handmade soap – but not as a wedding favor. Giving your guests a personal hygiene product is a tricky undertaking without some kind of context. If you’re getting married at, say, an old soap factory it might be a fun tie-in to your wedding day. If it’s a seemingly random bar of soap, many guests are going to question why they’ve been gifted with it (‘Do I stink?’) and I’d expect many would just leave them behind.

If you’re keen on giving your handmade soaps as gifts, they’d be great as shower favors (see?  tie in to a theme!) or to your maids as part of a homemade spa kit.

The Real Etiquette philosophy about etiquette is that it’s a fluid set of rules that’s designed to honor others and treat them with respect and dignity. By keeping the “rules” fluid, they can change with the times and adapt to any situation. Your maid of honor wants her “plus guest” to be that hot fling she met at the beach a couple of weeks ago? Are email invites ever ok? How do you word your invite when your gay father and his husband are hosting? No problem! We’ve got you covered.

We invite you to submit your pressing wedding-related etiquette dilemmas and we’ll set you straight – and give our readers a chance to weigh in, too.