Dear Bride,

When you asked me to be your bridesmaid, I was flattered you asked me and was genuinely excited to part of this experience with you. It’s one of the most important days of your life and that you chose me to stand with you as witness to this sacred event is an honor. At least it was until the devil of the wedding underworld possessed your soul and erased all sense of reality and compassion from your being.

I hate the world “bridezilla” because (a) it’s a dumb cliche and (b) it does not begin to touch on how horrible you can be around with all this wedding stuff. Someone needs to tell some things about you and your wedding. Think of this as your exorcism.

1. I am excited about your wedding and love hearing about the details but NOT ALL THE FREAKING TIME. Every conversation we have ends up being about your wedding. I realize it’s all-consuming for you to plan such a big, important day that’s still 9 months away. Let me say this: YOUR obsession is not MY obsession. Can we talk about Real Housewives or funny stuff at work or how my mom is doing after her 2nd chemotherapy session? I’m sure figuring out how many cocktail napkins to order or whether registering at Pottery Barn is better than Crate and Barrel is troublesome but I can’t relate. And, honestly, I don’t care. I know that hurts to hear but none of that really matters to me. I want to know if you’re happy (did you get that promotion at work?)  if there’s anything I can help with within my means (more on that later) and to share what’s going on in my life – like we’ve always done up until the day you got engaged.  The minutiae of your wedding planning: yawn. It’s ok to blow off steam and talk about that stuff every once in a while but not EVERY SINGLE CONVERSATION we have during the next 12 months.

2. You did NOT just ask me to color my hair, grow it out, lose some weight, whiten my teeth, get a spray tan, or tone up my arms, did you?!?!  If you want a model or a clothes hanger, get a mannequin and leave me out of it. I’m not an accessory to your color scheme or your bridal outfit, got it? I’m a human being, presumably your friend, please remember that. Don’t ask me to alter my body to be a part of your wedding. You’re an asshole if you do and nothing will change that. Ever.

3. Speaking of clothing, please pick something that’s flattering on all of our bodies. I feel so bad for the plus-size girl you have in our party because she always get screwed in the flattery department.  I’m glad the size 2 girl looks smashing in that pretty little gown you picked and, yes, it’s your dream bridesmaid gown since you saw it 9 days ago on StyleMePretty and it’s the perfect style to compliment your country chic theme, but on the rest of us – the sizes 8/10, 12, 14, and 18 – it’s not a good choice at all. Pick something else.

4. No, $250 plus alterations for a gown I will wear once is not an option. And, hell no, no matter how much you try to convince me I can “totally wear it again like at a New Year’s Eve bash!”, it’s totally not going to happen. You want me to wear a $250+ gown? YOU pay for it.

5. Unless we actually live in Vegas, a bachelorette party in Sin City is also not an option unless YOU pay for it.

6. Listen, being part of your big day is expensive to me. Dress, shoes, accessories, bridal shower, bachelorette party, hair/makeup, day-of stuff equals big bucks on my part. *I* don’t have a $25,000 budget for your wedding. I have my own financial commitments that preclude me spending $1,695 to be a bridesmaid (average cost per WeddingChannel.com) on YOUR big day. $1,695 would totally pay off my credit card plus two car payments. Or rent + utilities + food for an entire month. Think about that. Seriously, very seriously, think about the expense you expect your me to shell out before you start making grandiose plans for MY money. Don’t be pissed when I politely bow out of some activities or expenses because I refuse to go into debt for any part of your wedding. You can call me a bitch if you want as long as you call me a financially responsible one.

7. Let’s talk about the DIY stuff. I’m not a crafter. You know this. You’ve even laughed at me for my non-DIY ways like the time I called over a neighbor to nail in a picture hook because I was too nervous to hammer anything into my wall. So, yeah, when I come over to help with your projects don’t get in a snit because I’m not doing it right. Or if I volunteer to bring drinks and snacks or plates and cups to our “craft party” instead of being on the assembly line. I can stuff a envelope with flair or make a kick ass cosmo and tell great stories but beading/sewing/painting/stamping is not something you really want me to do because I don’t want to do it.

8. And speaking of crafts and expectations: it’s ok to ask me if I want to help and give me options on the things to volunteer for. Demanding or expecting me to create your whole freaking wedding with you is way out of line. I’m not free labor to be summoned at your will. My free time is precious to me and I don’t want to give up a whole weekend working on your wedding projects. I really don’t. I will, however, devote a few hours every now and then when it’s convenient for me to give you a hand because I love ya and truly want to be helpful. Another thing: give your helpers credit. I’m seeing too much of this “oggle my totally handmade wedding” B.S. that doesn’t mention 99.9% of the stuff was made by the bride’s friends and family.

9. Crafts and expectations, part deux: get your shit together ahead of time. Your inability to plan ahead should not equal panic on my part. Order your supplies, get the instructions in hand, and know well ahead of time how long a project requires to finish before it comes down to the wire. I’m never, ever going to stay up until 2:00 am on the day of the wedding assembling programs with you because, OMG guys!, you realized at 8pm that you forgot to pick up the pages at the printers and they closed at 6pm so you had to run to Office Max to get a new home printer and, wouldn’t ya know, you don’t have the right print driver for your laptop so it’s 11 pm by the time you’re done printing and we can start assembling. /rant

10. Don’t forget to have fun and be in love. I’ve been watching you torture yourself (and those around you) with the stress of putting on The Greatest Wedding on Earth for the last few months and you’re unbearable to be around. It’s not just incessant wedding talk, it’s the snarkiness, the constant indecision, the forgetfulness, the financial strain, the pressure on your awesome independent guy to turn into a male clone of you, the neglecting of your other relationships and the things you once enjoyed being replaced with this fantasy day you’re obsessed with. I miss you and want you back with sanity intact. Come back soon.

2011, a year many of us are unlikely to ever forget, has finally come to its end. On a personal level it was a year of trials and frustrations but also of tremendous growth and blessings. Though still a little scarred, I’m delighted to be on the other side of 2011 with a clear sense of purpose and direction in all areas of my life – including DIY Bride.

2012 begins as 2011 ended: with gratitude.  I want to thank each of you, dear friends, new visitors, and drop-in buddies, for the overwhelming support and kindness you contribute to the DIY Bride community. Your questions, contributions, participation, and financial support (advertising, purchases of books) has helped keep DIY Bride going strong as we celebrated our 9th year of blogdom last year. That is an extraordinary milestone for not only for me but for bloggers, crafters, and for the wedding industry. From the bottom of my heart: thank you, thank you, thank you!

This year brings many new challenges for us: sustainable growth, adding new features, maintaining the site, and expanding the brand into the DIY home/entertaining/cooking arena. It’s an exciting time and I hope you join me, Valerie, and Whitney, as strive to bring you exciting and useful content, inspiration, resources, and opportunities to help you celebrate who you are every day of the year.

Each January, instead of resolutions I never keep, I create a theme for the year ahead. 2011′s theme was “growth” (got that in spades, thank you very much). For 2012 I’ve chosen INCLUSIVE. This year is about bringing people together, creating welcoming environments, and strengthening communities. It’s about collectively working towards something greater. It’s about sharing and connecting and actively making a difference not only in our lives but in the lives of others. It’s harnessing the power of good for the benefit of all.

I welcome you to our community and look forward to doing wonderful, powerful acts of kindness and good together this year. Happy 2012!

I’ve been getting a lot of inquiries about the rubber stamp used on the Wine Cork place card (in DIY Bride book 1 and the magazine). I love that stamp – as do many of you. Unfortunately, the manufacturer discontinued that design right around the time the book was released and it is no longer available. Boo, hiss. (For those interested, the project was created 5 years ago for the first DIY Bride book that was published in 2007. My publishers have re-published some of book #1′s projects in the bookazine on newsstands right now which is why some of the info is out of date. Also: I have zero control over manufacturers’ decisions to retire their products. Sorry, lovelies!) The good news is that I’ve found a few stamps that would make suitable substitutions for that design.

• Paper-Source.Com has a nice grape (http://www.paper-source.com/cgi-bin/paper/item/Grape-Bunch-Rubber-Stamp/2901.025/871428.html) and a nice vine ( http://www.paper-source.com/cgi-bin/paper/item/Vines-Rubber-Stamp/2901.010/871539.html ) stamp.
• Hero Arts has a few stamps that I like for this project: http://heroarts.com/products/productInfo.cfm?ItemNo=CG173&subCat=A02, http://heroarts.com/products/productInfo.cfm?ItemNo=CG174&subCat=A02, and http://heroarts.com/products/productInfo.cfm?ItemNo=K5405&subCat=A03
• Pampered Stampers has a nice vine stamp: http://pamperedstampers.com/product_info.php?cPath=21_38&products_id=133

Weddings haven’t changed that much since 2000, really. The trends are different, sure, and you guys have so many more options and resources now. My attitude about weddings has certainly changed and I know lots of nifty shortcuts and crafty stuff. But, at the end of the day, you’re all dealing with pretty much the same stuff I did waaaay back then.

Since many of you don’t know me that well – or at all – I thought I’d give a little Khris’ wedding 411.

Wedding Date: October 07

Place: (Ceremony) Berkeley Rose Garden; (Reception) Brazilian Room

Number of Guests: 120-ish

Catering: Serves You Right

Cake: Julie Durkee of Torino Baking (She’s since gone on to Food Network Fame. I’m so proud.)

Photography: Michelle Walker. Brilliant. Wonderful. We still love her and her work. Highly recommended.

Hair: Stacey Williams (genius); Makeup: Done at Preston Wynn in Saratoga.

Dress: Don’t remember! Mori Lee, I think. Purchased at Trudy’s Brides in Campbell, CA.

Bagpiper: Ian … cannot remember his last name. He was good.

Transportation: A 1940′s Citroen, owned and chauffeured by a friend of the family.

Wedding Night Accommodation: The Claremont Resort and Spa

Honeymoon: French Polynesia (Vahine Island and Bora Bora). Highly recommended.

Our DIY Projects: Favors (petits fours in a hand-cut vellum box), invitations/rsvp, programs, thank yous, guest book (doubled as the CD covers for our reception music) and all of our reception music.

What I remember most: Being outrageously, gloriously happy and sharing that with the most amazing people on the planet. Dancing. Falling flat on my arse because my bustle pushed the chair out from under me when I went to sit down. Being outrageously, gloriously tired at the end of the evening. The cake. Being silly with our friends and family.

What I would’ve changed: Nothing and lots. Saying I’d change anything feels like I’m saying I have regrets. I don’t. Buuuut…

• I would’ve picked the *right* dress for me. I was in a situation where I had to settle. It wasn’t bad. It just wasn’t me.
• I wouldn’t have gone into deep debt.
• I would’ve accepted more help from those that offered.
• I would’ve worked more with my husband to make the wedding and reception more reflective of us and not a variation of what was “the norm” or suggested at the time.
• I would’ve changed my bmaid situation. Too much drama, totally not worth it.
• I would’ve gone on honeymoon right away and not waited over a week to leave. I went to work the Monday after my wedding!  (We had originally booked  a spot in Fiji but they went into some sort of civil unrest right before the honeymoon. We had to change plans only a few weeks out and couldn’t get anyplace we wanted right after the wedding.)
• Reworked our registry. Cut out all of the frivolous stuff and gone heavy with the gadgety stuff we love and better dishes. (We did not, however, register for china and do not regret that one bit.)

My advice:

• Celebrate who are you now, not who you’ll think you’ll be in X number of years. We fell prey to the “Don’t do xyz. You’ll look back in X years from now and regret it.” spiel. Humbug! Hogwash! You will never, ever know who you’ll become or what your preferences will be in x number of years. Enjoy the now, my friends.
• Let go of your control issues. Doing so will save you from so much drama, tears, and stress.
• Work harder on preparing for the marriage than the wedding.
• Communicate. Love. Trust.
• Don’t be afraid to ask for help or guidance.
• Don’t be afraid to set boundaries around your wedding plans or your relationship(s). Lots of people will have opinions about how you should celebrate your wedding.
• Treat each other with kindness, honor, and dignity. Always.
• Get the best photographer you can afford.
• Treat your guests with kindness and love. Invite only those that you hold dear.
• Have a fabulous, fun honeymoon.

While I usually don’t engage my readers in any drama, that was just too funny not to share. It’s also a great segue into giving you a peek at the behind-the-scenes of what it takes to keep DIY Bride chugging along in the blogosphere.

DIYBride.com is not my sole source of employment – and I really argue “employment” because I have historically received no revenue from it and pay for all of the hosting fees, project supplies, and other necessities out of my pocket. But I’m not complaining! This site is a labor of love for me and I wouldn’t give it up for anything. I’ve met some amazing, kind, and utterly delightful people and do have a blast with the site.

That said, I do get a bit peeved when visitors make assumptions about how cushy I have it here or when they have a messed up sense of entitlement to my time and resources. I volunteer my time, creativity, and funds because I want to. Not because I owe it to anyone. For the most part, my visitors are gracious, fun, and lovely people and the take-take-take-gimme-gimme-gimme folks are few and far between.

Ah…where was I? Oh, yes… There seems to be a misconception about what I – and other bloggers – do to keep our sites going. It’s a hell of a lot of work, even if you don’t see it! The amazing Kathleen Fasanella of Fashion Incubator posted about this very topic a few months ago in response to another post at ProBlogger that gave a little glimpse of the daily blogger grind.

My list is very similar to Kathleen’s so I’m going to amend my answers to hers so that DIY Bride readers can get a the behind-the-scenes peek at what I do. (My notes are italicized.)

All day long, every day, Monday through Sunday (no days off):

1. Deleting spam comments
2. Responding to comments
3. Writing to people who comment
4. Responding to reader emails
5. Deleting bogus forum registrations (30+ a day)
6. Responding to forum topics
7. Moderating the forums, deleting spam.

Daily:

1. Writing entries and sometimes even posting them. (This cracked me up! I’m entirely guilty of this.)
2. Reading what other bloggers write on my topics of interest.
3. Taking calls/emails from genuinely nice people with a “quick” question -at no pay
4. Researching and compiling resources of interest to DIYers.
5. Visiting industry-related sites and associations.
6. Monitoring and tweaking SEO. This is an ongoing, tedious task.
7. Check MySpace. Add new friends. Respond to comments.
   

Weekly, off and on:

1. Checking for updates, plugins and utilities for the blog
2. Brainstorming for ideas for features, projects, and topics. I keep copious notes.
3. Keeping up with the field via traditional media.
4. Monitoring and posting to other forums
5. Tweaking the site templates, updating links, fixing configuration errors.
6. Monitoring site stats to see who’s sending me traffic. I often post on referring blogs.
7. Uploading and editing photos, one of my least favorite activities. It also takes time (you wouldn’t think file organization is an issue but it is). This is one reason I’m doing fewer tutorials lately. The rest of the site work eats into my time. (Couldn’t have said it better!)
8. Creating projects, writing instructions, taking photos. There are so many things I have offline right now, it’s not funny.
9. Network with other bloggers and industry folk online and off.
10. Research business stuff: blogging, advertising, marketing. Lots of reading.

Monthly/Intermittently/Occasionally:

1. Searching for sites reposting my original content.
2. Modifying widgets, spam blockers, keeping up with the latest blog software and forum software updates.
3. Field calls and emails about “business opportunties”. Find out who’s legit, who’s a scammer; evaluate if offer is good for me.
   
4. Investigate ad and sponsorship opportunities.
5. Mentor other bloggers, writers, crafters.
6. Review submissions from guest writers.
7. Research project ideas, resources, ideas for new books.
8. Investigate new features for the site, test them out. Decide to implement or pass.
9. Update /monitor Flickr and YouTube. I’m pretty lax on this, actually.
   

And then, after all that, I spend time working on my (sometimes) paying job(s) as a crafter, author, instructor, and event coordinator. More often than not, the paying stuff comes first, and the list for those ventures is much longer than the DIY stuff.

So, there you have it! My wish is that when you visit blogs that you’re kind and gracious to the people that operate them. Many of us are completely (or very poorly) uncompensated for our work and the amount of love and passion we pour into them. A little thanks and a little understanding are all we need to inspire us to keep moving forward.

Cheers,

Khris