DIY Bride™

… or “You Go Ghoul!” (I couldn’t decide on a subject line.)

Today feels like Fall. It’s gloriously delicious and cozy and wonderful. There’s a teeny, tiny bit of rain this morning, just enough to clean the air and give the neighborhood that crisp, fresh Autumn scent.
Looking at the calendar (and the latest round of magazines to arrive in the mail) Halloween is nearly upon us. Only 10 days to go! (I don’t care what you say. Halloween begins on October 1st and lasts all month.) I’m so excited, I can’t stand it.

Halloween is a major holiday at the Casa de DIY Bride. I’ve already been planning this year’s Halloween crafts for a few weeks now. I’m seriously counting the seconds until I can bust out the decorations.

Last year I kinda missed out on the whole Halloween experience. The first shoot for the DIY book was in mid-October so I was busy frantically prepping for that, plus an extended trip to Albany, plus actually writing the book which was far more work than I ever could’ve imagined. So, yeah, last October kinda blew by without much of a celebration here. It was a sad, sad moment in my Halloween history. <sniff> I’ve vowed for this year to be different.

The reason I’m telling you this is that DIY Bride is going Halloween-ish for the entire month of October. There will be a mix of crafty wedding and Halloween stuff to celebrate the season (and to justify my spending on new craft stuff…). I’m really keen on sharing my love of the ‘ween with you and seeing what ideas and inspiration we can all come up with.

Until then, I’ll be on a short blog break. I’m feeling kinda burnt out and need to step back, recharge, and regroup. See ya in a week!

I’m not a friend of the traditional bridal shower. The mere rumor of one being held in my social circle makes me break out in a sweat of dread and dismay. It’s not that I dislike hanging with my pals or that I don’t want to celebrate the bride. (I love my friends and family. Honest.)

What drives me away are those god-awful games. I hate them. Passionately. I think most are embarrassing/dumb/boring. They do not equate fun to me no matter how much I love the bride. And I’m one who loves be silly and who adores kitschy things! There’s just something about showers that I. don’t. get.

And I know I’m not alone. There have been grumblings in my circle about this very topic over the years and I get many requests from DIY Bride readers every year for suggestions on fun showers that don’t dumb it down.

Some ideas I’ve gathered over the years:

• Wine and chocolate tastings
• Spa-theme (at-home spa afternoon or a trip to a day spa for all)
• Stock-the-bar shower for the couple
• Craft day (invite the guests to participate in a crafty activity like a scrapbook for the couple, for example)
• “Small bites” dinner  party where everyone brings a fun, exotic dish plus the printed recipe for the couple to include in their recipe collection.
• Casino night. Play poker, offer prizes, serve pub grub … great for a couples shower or even for girls only.

I’d like to elicit from you, my DIYers, some ideas for shower ideas that don’t suck. What are some fun, sophisticated, hip shower themes/activities that don’t involve purse raids or bingo?

I don’t talk about my wedding much here mostly because it is now in the distant past. Next month will mark my 7th wedding anniversary and to reference it seems somehow odd.

Weddings haven’t changed that much since 2000, really. The trends are different, sure, and you guys have so many more options and resources now. My attitude about weddings has certainly changed and I know lots of nifty shortcuts and crafty stuff. But, at the end of the day, you’re all dealing with pretty much the same stuff I did waaaay back then.

Since many of you don’t know me that well – or at all – I thought I’d give a little Khris’ wedding 411.

Wedding Date: October 07

Place: (Ceremony) Berkeley Rose Garden; (Reception) Brazilian Room

Number of Guests: 120-ish

Catering: Serves You Right

Cake: Julie Durkee of Torino Baking (She’s since gone on to Food Network Fame. I’m so proud.)

Photography: Michelle Walker. Brilliant. Wonderful. We still love her and her work. Highly recommended.

Hair: Stacey Williams (genius); Makeup: Done at Preston Wynn in Saratoga.

Dress: Don’t remember! Mori Lee, I think. Purchased at Trudy’s Brides in Campbell, CA.

Bagpiper: Ian … cannot remember his last name. He was good.

Transportation: A 1940’s Citroen, owned and chauffeured by a friend of the family.

Wedding Night Accommodation: The Claremont Resort and Spa

Honeymoon: French Polynesia (Vahine Island and Bora Bora). Highly recommended.

Our DIY Projects: Favors (petits fours in a hand-cut vellum box), invitations/rsvp, programs, thank yous, guest book (doubled as the CD covers for our reception music) and all of our reception music.

What I remember most: Being outrageously, gloriously happy and sharing that with the most amazing people on the planet. Dancing. Falling flat on my arse because my bustle pushed the chair out from under me when I went to sit down. Being outrageously, gloriously tired at the end of the evening. The cake. Being silly with our friends and family.

What I would’ve changed: Nothing and lots. Saying I’d change anything feels like I’m saying I have regrets. I don’t. Buuuut…

• I would’ve picked the *right* dress for me. I was in a situation where I had to settle. It wasn’t bad. It just wasn’t me.
• I wouldn’t have gone into deep debt.
• I would’ve accepted more help from those that offered.
• I would’ve worked more with my husband to make the wedding and reception more reflective of us and not a variation of what was “the norm” or suggested at the time.
• I would’ve changed my bmaid situation. Too much drama, totally not worth it.
• I would’ve gone on honeymoon right away and not waited over a week to leave. I went to work the Monday after my wedding!  (We had originally booked  a spot in Fiji but they went into some sort of civil unrest right before the honeymoon. We had to change plans only a few weeks out and couldn’t get anyplace we wanted right after the wedding.)
• Reworked our registry. Cut out all of the frivolous stuff and gone heavy with the gadgety stuff we love and better dishes. (We did not, however, register for china and do not regret that one bit.)

My advice:

• Celebrate who are you now, not who you’ll think you’ll be in X number of years. We fell prey to the “Don’t do xyz. You’ll look back in X years from now and regret it.” spiel. Humbug! Hogwash! You will never, ever know who you’ll become or what your preferences will be in x number of years. Enjoy the now, my friends.
• Let go of your control issues. Doing so will save you from so much drama, tears, and stress.
• Work harder on preparing for the marriage than the wedding.
• Communicate. Love. Trust.
• Don’t be afraid to ask for help or guidance.
• Don’t be afraid to set boundaries around your wedding plans or your relationship(s). Lots of people will have opinions about how you should celebrate your wedding.
• Treat each other with kindness, honor, and dignity. Always.
• Get the best photographer you can afford.
• Treat your guests with kindness and love. Invite only those that you hold dear.
• Have a fabulous, fun honeymoon.

New Orleans is an intensely personal and special place for me. It’s a big part of my personal journey. I’m thinking of NOLA a lot today, missing the city and its amazing melange of people and culture. Forever will it be a place I hold close in my heart.

There’s a lot of positive action going on in post-Katrina New Orleans as the resilient residents try to rebuild their lives and their beloved city. I want to give a shout out to support to some of the awesome NOLA peeps and orgs I know or I’ve had my eye on. If you can spare the cash, please support them by buying their wares, hiring their services, or simply by sending joy and light their way. It’s all good.

Non-Wedding

• New Orleans Craft Mafia – The awesome mafiosos are a collection of indie artists who create some mighty fine and funky products.
• Dejarnette - Incredible, delightful handcrafted jewelry.
• Royal Street Courtyard – One of my most favorite B&Bs … ever.
• Trashy Diva – Retrolicious frocks for the most fab among you.
• Fleur de Paris – Should you need a divine chapeau or couture gown, this is your place.

Wedding

• Scriptura – Absolutely gorgeous stationery
• Paper & Ink Studio – More lovely wedding invites and stationery
• Fat Cat Flowers – Stunning floral design
• Bella Bloos Florals - So much beauty…<sigh>
• AK Photography – Simply beautiful photography

This was originally meant to be a snarky response to an email exchange I’ve had with a recent visitor who insisted that I custom design a couple of projects for her – for free – because, you know, I obviously had a lot of extra time since I’m “just a blogger” and “that’s what this site is for”. (Really? Indentured servitude has never been promoted as a feature on this site.)

While I usually don’t engage my readers in any drama, that was just too funny not to share. It’s also a great segue into giving you a peek at the behind-the-scenes of what it takes to keep DIY Bride chugging along in the blogosphere.

DIYBride.com is not my sole source of employment – and I really argue “employment” because I have historically received no revenue from it and pay for all of the hosting fees, project supplies, and other necessities out of my pocket. But I’m not complaining! This site is a labor of love for me and I wouldn’t give it up for anything. I’ve met some amazing, kind, and utterly delightful people and do have a blast with the site.

That said, I do get a bit peeved when visitors make assumptions about how cushy I have it here or when they have a messed up sense of entitlement to my time and resources. I volunteer my time, creativity, and funds because I want to. Not because I owe it to anyone. For the most part, my visitors are gracious, fun, and lovely people and the take-take-take-gimme-gimme-gimme folks are few and far between.

Ah…where was I? Oh, yes… There seems to be a misconception about what I – and other bloggers – do to keep our sites going. It’s a hell of a lot of work, even if you don’t see it! The amazing Kathleen Fasanella of Fashion Incubator posted about this very topic a few months ago in response to another post at ProBlogger that gave a little glimpse of the daily blogger grind.

My list is very similar to Kathleen’s so I’m going to amend my answers to hers so that DIY Bride readers can get a the behind-the-scenes peek at what I do. (My notes are italicized.)

All day long, every day, Monday through Sunday (no days off):

1. Deleting spam comments
2. Responding to comments
3. Writing to people who comment
4. Responding to reader emails
5. Deleting bogus forum registrations (30+ a day)
6. Responding to forum topics
7. Moderating the forums, deleting spam.

Daily:

1. Writing entries and sometimes even posting them. (This cracked me up! I’m entirely guilty of this.)
2. Reading what other bloggers write on my topics of interest.
3. Taking calls/emails from genuinely nice people with a “quick” question -at no pay
4. Researching and compiling resources of interest to DIYers.
5. Visiting industry-related sites and associations.
6. Monitoring and tweaking SEO. This is an ongoing, tedious task.
7. Check MySpace. Add new friends. Respond to comments.
   

Weekly, off and on:

1. Checking for updates, plugins and utilities for the blog
2. Brainstorming for ideas for features, projects, and topics. I keep copious notes.
3. Keeping up with the field via traditional media.
4. Monitoring and posting to other forums
5. Tweaking the site templates, updating links, fixing configuration errors.
6. Monitoring site stats to see who’s sending me traffic. I often post on referring blogs.
7. Uploading and editing photos, one of my least favorite activities. It also takes time (you wouldn’t think file organization is an issue but it is). This is one reason I’m doing fewer tutorials lately. The rest of the site work eats into my time. (Couldn’t have said it better!)
8. Creating projects, writing instructions, taking photos. There are so many things I have offline right now, it’s not funny.
9. Network with other bloggers and industry folk online and off.
10. Research business stuff: blogging, advertising, marketing. Lots of reading.

Monthly/Intermittently/Occasionally:

1. Searching for sites reposting my original content.
2. Modifying widgets, spam blockers, keeping up with the latest blog software and forum software updates.
3. Field calls and emails about “business opportunties”. Find out who’s legit, who’s a scammer; evaluate if offer is good for me.
   
4. Investigate ad and sponsorship opportunities.
5. Mentor other bloggers, writers, crafters.
6. Review submissions from guest writers.
7. Research project ideas, resources, ideas for new books.
8. Investigate new features for the site, test them out. Decide to implement or pass.
9. Update /monitor Flickr and YouTube. I’m pretty lax on this, actually.
   

And then, after all that, I spend time working on my (sometimes) paying job(s) as a crafter, author, instructor, and event coordinator. More often than not, the paying stuff comes first, and the list for those ventures is much longer than the DIY stuff.

So, there you have it! My wish is that when you visit blogs that you’re kind and gracious to the people that operate them. Many of us are completely (or very poorly) uncompensated for our work and the amount of love and passion we pour into them. A little thanks and a little understanding are all we need to inspire us to keep moving forward.

Cheers,

Khris

Beware! This is a ranty post.

As the recipient of many, many, many wedding and shower favors, I feel the need to speak up about the bad ones. Don’t get me wrong here – I’m not being ungrateful for the sentiment of thanks that a favor represents. What I’m talking about is when the favor is poorly executed or that feels so much like an afterthought that it’s offensive (i.e. “Thanks for coming. Here’s an after dinner mint for your trouble.”). Some favors are just way overdone. Some have dubious legal origins. Some are just destined to end up in the garbage.

My Top 10:

1. Jordan almonds (especially wrapped in tulle). I know these have long been traditional wedding favors because of the bitter-sweet symbolism. I can dig that. However, the truth about Jordan almonds is they’re horrible. I have never, ever in my life heard of anyone saying “Oh man, I just got the worst craving for Jordan almonds.” The teeth-shattering pastel-colored coating isn’t tasty. The almonds are merely “eh”. Why bother when there are 10 million other sweet treats that are far more yummy? Plus, lots of people are allergic to tree nuts.

2. CD favors. I get the appeal. You have the music. They’re easy DIY projects. You wanna share your favorite looooove songs. Rock on. However, the legal foo surrounding unauthorized distribution of music is troublesome. But what really bugs me is crappy song selection. Sure, you love these songs but it’s unlikely that your 100+ guests will share your exact taste in music. Of the 6+ wedding favor CDs I’ve received, I’ve only kept 1. The others got a one-way pass to Garbage Can City, baby. That’s a lot of work, money and materials to just be thrown away.

3. Spoons with chocolate. There are two types of these. The first is spoons dipped in melted chocolate. The other, is a Hershey’s kiss placed in the bowl of the spoon, wrapped in tulle with a cutesy poem. About the dipped spoons: I guess they’re ok for the guests that drink coffee and want chocolate in it. For the rest of us, sucking on plastic spoons to get some chocolate isn’t all that interesting or appetizing. About the Kiss spoons: Just give me the candy. Don’t put more unused plastic products into the universe and, pleasefortheloveofjeebus, stop it with the cutesy poems!

4. Bubbles. They’re waaaaaay overdone, messy, and not all that fun. Can you think of any better way to thank your guests? No? Just skip the favors, then.

5. Seeds and plants. I want to love these. Truly, I do. For green or garden weddings, I think they’d be awesome. Why don’t I ever want to see them again? Like many guests, I will never plant the seeds and I will likely kill the plants. You just wasted a couple of dollars and perfectly good seeds/plants.

6. Framed pictures of the bride and groom. I’m not sure what to think of couples that do this. Narcissistic? Overbought on their engagement shot package and trying to find ways to get rid of the extras? For guests that know you REALLY well (re: your immediate circle of friends and family), this is probably ok. For the rest of us, what the heck are we supposed to do with your picture because it’s sure not going to be displayed in our home or office?

7. Scented candles. I loves me some candle-y goodness (Illumination$ is my friend in a big way) but, like most people, I’m pretty particular about the scents I like. (Lavender, I kid you not, makes me hostile.) Sitting in a reception hall with 150+ highly scented candles (of any flavor) is nauseating and I’m not all that sensitive to that kind of stuff. If you’re gonna do candles, go unscented. Gracias.

8. Bath salts/bath bombs/handmade soaps. Completely inappropriate for a wedding favor and kind of offensive. (Not to mention the scent-factor.) Toiletries are best suited as personal gifts or as shower favors unless your wedding guests are particularly stinky and need a really big hint to wash themselves.

9. Lottery tickets. Ugh! A waste of paper and your hard-earned dollars.

10. Edibles of poor quality. I adore edible favors. They’re one of the best favors you can give – if the quality is good. If you’re going to make edibles, please use ingredients that are at least of passable quality. If you’re giving pre-made goodies, give stuff that’s actually tasty. Your local supermarket likely has fresh, quality ingredients and goodies if you can’t afford artisanal products. Always check expiration dates. And, please, be sure to taste your favors before you decide to give them away. In recent years I’ve received waxy, bland chocolate truffles, cookies that were sickeningly salty and infused olive oil that was rancid. Ewwwww! A little quality control goes a long way.

I just returned from a short trip to NYC to shoot the first half of the projects for the upcoming DIY Bride book. NYC rocks my little crafty world, y’all.

For anyone planning a wedding in/around NYC, you are in the mecca for all-things-DIY. Some highlights I can share with you:

The Flower District: On 28th and 6th. 28th Street houses a row of wholesale flower shops. Though I understand the local merchants are being pushed out to accommodate posh hotels and residences, there are still some great vendors doing business in the area. The prices were excellent and the shop owners were helpful and fun. While you’re *supposed* to have a business license/wholesale account to do business with these guys, I was never asked for my creditentials in the several trips I made to the market. (I happen to have a state reseller’s license, so I would’ve been ok. Your mileage may vary.)

One retail spot I recommend for anything garden-y is Jamali Garden Supplies at 149 W. 28th St.

Paper Presentation: If you’re doing your own invites, get thee to PP on 23 West 18th St between 5th & 6th. They have a fabulous selection of pocketfolds, cardstock, and all sorts of papery goodness. You’ll find lots of tools, a fair selection of ribbon (do not cut it yourself!), and a ton of interesting and fun embellishments.

Trims, Rhinestones, Ribbons can be found at an abundance of shops around W. 38th and W. 39th Streets in the Garment District between 7th and 8th. Ask at each shop if they have minimums (wholesale-only establishments usually require a $300 minimum… best to find out before you hit the registers). I recommend retailer M & J Trimming at 1008 6th Avenue. Helpful service with a nice selection of goods.

Tinsel Trading was closed when I stopped by. I reaaaaally wanted to shop there. Be a doll and stop in for me, ok? 64 W. 38th St.

For fabrics, go to Mood (where the Project Runway contestants get their fabrics) at 226 W 37th, 3rd Floor.

Cake Decorating Supplies can be found at New York Cake Supplies. 56 West 22nd St.
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