Jan 10 2009
The Art of Negotiating, Part 2
[Part 1 of the Negotiating Series]
In the first part of the series, I talked about how attitude will affect your negotiation process. For both sides of the negotiation table a positive attitude and willingness to listen to each other will go a long way in coming up with a mutually satisfying agreement.
Today I’ll be discussing expectations in negotiation. This, above else, is where most people trip up the process. Many couples go into a negotiation with unrealistic expectations of the outcome and come out (often bitterly) disappointed that they didn’t get what they wanted.
A quick example of unrealistic expectations: A seamstress colleague of mine was asked to create a Reem Acra-inspired gown for a bride. The seamstress quoted a price and the bride came back with a counter-offer almost 1/2 less than the quote. The seamstress declined. The bride was very upset and couldn’t understand why the seamstress wouldn’t work with her. Afterall, she heard having a seamstress make a dress was cheaper than buying from a salon. It wasn’t like this seamstress was Reem Acra herself!
The problem here is that the bride expected couture-quality design at a discount mart price. From the seamstress’ point of view, the counter-offer wouldn’t have covered her expenses. There was no way she was going to work for free – nor should she be expected to. Had the bride suggested 5% less, the seamstress may have been able to accommodate her with slight adjustments to the gown’s design/materials. That the client automatically assumed she’d work at half price killed the deal completely.
So, how do you set realistic expectations with wedding vendors?
- Have a budget in place before you speak to any vendor. Knowing how much you actually have in hand to spend on any service or object is an absolute must before you negotiations can begin. The vendor doesn’t need to know this amount but YOU do.
- Pick your vendors wisely. Most unrealistic expectations start with the notion that all vendors can work with people of all budgets. That’s not true. Know what you can afford before you pick your vendors and pick your vendors according to their standard fees. Expecting a $20/slice Silvia Weinstock cake when you have a $3/slice budget isn’t going to happen, no matter how charming you are during negotiation.
- Don’t expect deep discounts on custom-designed services or products. There’s this weird notion that handcrafted or a la carte services are worth less than pre-packaged, off-the-shelf solutions. Not true, not true, not true.
- Know that you’ll likely have to give up something in the negotation process to make it worth the vendor’s time/efforts. If you’re looking to get a lower price on, say, your catering quote, you’ll have to start deducting items from the menu or choose less-expensive alternatives to the things you want to serve. Remember: negotiation will only work if it’s a win-win situation for both parties.
- Understand that vendors are under no obligation to alter their prices or services for you at all. I touched on this in Part 1 and it needs to be said again and again. Automatically expecting them to wheel ‘n’ deal isn’t realistic or fair. When they do so, consider it a personal favor and, please, don’t try to bully them into it. I hear a lot of stories from vendors about couples throwing tantrums, threatening to write bad reviews, and all sorts of dirtbag behaviour to try to coerce vendors into giving discounts. You don’t waltz into Bloomingdale’s or Wal-Mart or <insert your shopping nirvanna here> and demand a discount just for being you. You’ll get laughed out of the store. Same with wedding vendors.
In the next installment we’ll talk about positive negotiating tactics and how being flexible with the outcome of any negotiation will better help get you close to your negotiation goals.
[edited to add point #2]
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GREAT Advice! I have to admit, as a vendor, I immediately thought “oh no, someone else giving advice that every bride should bargain hunt and not take no for an answer!” But I was (delightfully) mistaken! When I have a bride who asks, I *do* try to create a custom package that includes just what she needs at a price that makes sense for me too. It’s not a discount, but it allows us to work around some budget constraints. I always encourage the brides to really prioritize what they want, both for the wedding as a whole and for the products and services I offer. Thanks for spreading this very reasonable and sound advice!
In these tougher economic times, this is a very timely post. I think it’s a must read for anyone planning a wedding or special event. Your article lays out some common sense guidelines for negotiating the best deals with any wedding vendor. I’ll definitely be sharing your article with my readers.
good advice. thanks a lot
As a wedding vendor, I appreciate most of your suggestions, but I have to speak up and say, I DO need to know your budget. Keeping it a secret wastes everyone’s time. Our price ranges are readily available. So nothing is more frustrating than sitting with a couple who have told me they don’t have a budget in mind, then spending hours planning the wedding fantasy, to be then told that was more than they had in their budget! I don’t get the job, or even the opportunity to be creative within their budget.
Do photographers ever negotiate their fee? When I look at their respective websites, the prices seem like they’re set in stone. Would it be reasonable to try to negotiate with a photographer?
this is great advice! I hope you keep it coming!
I love your The Art of Negotiating articles. They’re very helpful and important especially to those who just started planning. I can’t wait for the next one.