DIY Bride™

Few things cause as much agony in the bridalsphere, from both couples and vendors, as negotiation. In my behind-the-scenes dealings with my wedding industry colleagues and with my interactions with you I’m privvy to both sides of the negotation table. What I see is a lot of misunderstanding and oftentimes bad advice (on both sides) about how to negotiate.

To start off, let’s look at what the worst missteps I see couples making in the negotiation process are:

1. Lack of courtesy and respect for the vendor and the her time, talent, and product/service.
2. Unrealistic expectations of the outcome of the negotiation.
3. Inflexible about the terms of the negotiation.

These 3 points almost always kill the negotiation process and any chance you may have of getting a better deal for yourself. Why? Simply put: they’re all ego-based actions and offer the vendor no incentive to do you a favor. (And, yes, anytime a vendor alters her standard product, services, or prices to accommodate your needs it is an act of benevolence on their part. You’re not automatically entitled to those things.)

Over the next few days, we’ll take a look at the negotiation killers and ways to have drama-free, positive negotiations with your vendors.

The first one I want to talk about is lack of courtesy and respect for the vendor and the her time, talent, and product/service.

Most vendors work exceedingly hard to create their products or deliver their services. They rightfully expect to be fairly compensated for their time, supplies, expertise, and business expenses. They set their prices to ensure they cover their expenses and make a reasonable profit otherwise their business can’t survive. That’s business 101, right?

When couples approach a vendor with an attitude of entitlement or a mindset that they’re going into battle, it pretty much shuts down the negotiation process before it begins. Many vendors in the industry expect (and even welcome) some negotiation.  All of them expect to be treated with respect and dignity during the process as much as you do.

An appreciation and understanding of their work/efforts/talents goes a long way. For example, while a wedding cake may look like just flour, sugar, eggs and frosting why should you pay $5.00 a slice for that? — so much more goes into creating one: like tens of hours of decorating, baking, training, product testing, recipe developing, high priced equipment, and a bunch other stuff just to get a cake to your reception. All of these things cost time and money to produce for you. Looking at it from that standpoint may help you understand why Chrissy Cakebaker can’t offer you an “Ace of Cakes” inspired creation for $1/slice.

It’s important to keep in mind that most small, independent wedding pros aren’t independently wealthy and are likely barely making a living off of their businesses. I mention this because demanding extras or reduced pricing seriously affects every businesses’ bottom line  and their ability to sustain themselves. Some businesses by virtue of their business model or the economic conditions in their area cannot afford to negotiate on price at all. While this is ultimately not your problem, your budget restrictions are not their problem either. The whole point of negotiation is to come to an agreement that suits both parties. You know – a win/win situation.

Approach your vendors with an attitude of kindness, understanding, and collaboration. It’s your best bet for a positive outcome.

posted by m.e. for k.c.

Ask The Experts is a new feature where you, dear readers, can ask your most pressing wedding-related questions and get answers from wedding professionals.

Today’s question:

If you have a wedding reception at your parent’s home in the front yard (in a tent, with portables) is it rude to ask that your guests please not go inside the house to sit in the living room, etc.?

Our experts weigh in:

My suggestion would be to not make the home easily accessible to your guests. You may have to spend a little more money but I would drape all entrances to the home where they are not recognizable as doors with pipping and drape. Please keep in mind this would mean that ALL guests would have to use outside facilities (of course they would need to be the upscale outside units) because once someone saw others going inside that would then make it rude not to allow others inside. It would appear that the inside is only for priviledged guests. Tannie Barnes McGregor, DeVine Choices Wedding & Event Planning

Great question! I don’t think it’s rude at all! Even if it’s a small, family wedding and everyone has been to the house before, I think that anyone can appreciate the fact that the party is being held outside. You can block the route inside with signs, floral displays, or a strategically-placed guestbook table (and remove all the comfy chairs from the living room!), and I think they’ll get the hint. Kim Petyt, Parisian Weddings

It’s not rude; it’s a necessity. I’ll tell you why.

Let’s say 130 guests at the reception at your private home. Average reception runs about 4 hours (some longer, but let’s just use the average). You have to consider that at least 80% of the guests will use the bathroom at least ONCE in that 4 hour period. That’s 104 flushes.

Now, let’s say half the guests are women, that’s 65 women in attendance. We all know that women use the bathroom quite often. And if you are serving alcohol, you could expect at least once an hour, but to be conservative let’s just say 33 women (that’s half the total women attending) go 3x during the reception. You know how us girls have to go to the bathroom when we drink and we always bring friends. That is 99 flushes.

I’m sorry, MOST private residences cannot accommodate 200 flushes in a four hour period. Ask me how I know … it happened to me. And my clients refused to rent the enclosed, clean, porta-pottie rooms that are really beautiful movable bathrooms. All three toilets in the house stopped working. Good times. Saundra Hadley, planning…forever Events

No it’s not rude. It’s your home and you can do what you want. As long as outdoor conditions are good, (restrooms provided, air or heat if needed) and someplace available away from loud music, you’re good. If you rent a reception venue, there are always areas guests are not allowed into.

My advice, just hang a sign on each door, “Please Do Not Enter” and be done with it. Simple, cheap and to the point. Susan Sanford, Willrich Bridal & Special Events

It is not out of line for you to feel that way. However, I suggest you not ask your guests to not go inside. That is akin to singing the old tune Keep A Knockin But You Can’t Come In. And besides that, it’s just not nice. Simply create an atmosphere that is comfortable and fun so your guests will not want to leave the party for any reason. Create a lounge area inside your tent (or in a separate lounge tent) complete with comfy seating, at least a little lighting to create the mood and (most importantly) a place to set their drinks/food.

Keep in mind that you and your new husband are the hosts of this party, regardless of where it is held. Be mindful of how you treat your guests and put yourselves in their shoes and you can’t go wrong. Andria Lewis, Andria Lewis Events

I would be sure to have a nice lounge area in the tent along with the NICE portable bathrooms that require power and a water hookup (gardenhose). and the lock the doors and post a nice sign.

Make sure you have considered the weather, portable heaters or air conditioning. We have done some really nice tents with air conditioning and it is jut like being indoors. Jennifer Ramirez-Jasiczek A Regal Affair

Not unreasonable.

Tie the area off with pretty ribbon and signage that directs them to the portable restrooms. Katasha Butler, K Sherrie and Company

posted m.e. for k.c.

I’m curious about what foods you’re serving your guests at your reception. What’s on your menu? Are you DIYing any of the food?

I goofed. Reader Ashley pointed out that I didn’t follow my own rules for announcing the winner of the Under $500 Bridal Ensemble contest. Instead of picking a single random winner, I personally chose 3 winners. D’oh! Sorry, friends!

To make good on my original contest rules, I’ve used Random.Org to select a random winner in addition to my picks from the other day. Using the integer generator, it chose #12. #12 corresponds to the 12th entry I posted and it was from Andrea.

Congrats, Andrea! Your entry is beautiful – very retro Hollywood glam.

You make my life difficult, you crafty vixens! Honestly, I had the worst time trying to pick a single winner for this contest. So I didn’t. I picked 3 winners and even that was a challenge. All of the entries for this contest were so wonderfully creative, beautiful, and fun!

Each of the winners will receive a copy of The DIY Bride: 40 Fun Projects For Your Ultimate One-of-a-Kind Wedding. (Email notification is on its way.)

Winner #1: Samantha G.

I loved this one because I thought the colors were fresh, the dress was gorgeous, and the total cost was under $400. For the sleek, modern bride who loves adding unexpected details, this is a great choice.

Samantha's Entry

Winner #2: Samantha W.

This one caught my eye because it’s frilly and romantic … and about $326 for all 6 elements. For more traditional brides, this is a lovely option.

Samantha W.'s Entry

Winner #3: Emilia

For something fun, funky, and fresh Emilia’s entry is aces in my book. I love how daring and playful this ensemble is. Great dress, unique accessories. It makes a great statement.

Emilia's Entry

As 2008 comes to an end, I wanted to give you a heads up about some things that may directly affect you and your wedding budget in the coming weeks.

With the economy on shaky ground companies big and small are looking for ways to reduce their potential losses for their next quarter or fiscal year. Translation: look for a reduction in services & perks and a rise in fees.

Here’s what to watch out for:

Credit Cards

• Pay attention to every single word on your monthly credit card statement and all of the little extras they send with your bill each month. The terms of your credit card agreement may very well change in the new year. Special attention needs to be given to the annual fee, interest rate, and late fee terms. Check every month for any changes in those rates!
• The U.S. credit card industry is expected to lower credit limits to new and existing customers in the next year as a risk aversion strategy. This means that your once $5000 credit limit, for example, may be cut by hundreds or even thousands of dollars leaving you with less credit to use.
• Citigroup recently announced a 3% hike in their rates for many of its credit card holders. Expect other banks to follow with higher interest rates.
• Qualifying for new credit cards will be tougher – especially if your credit isn’t perfect. Don’t count on getting another card to help fund your wedding if you’ve maxed out another one.

Air Travel

If you’re planning on using frequent flyer miles or points to pay for your honeymoon or wedding flights, there’s good news and bad news here.

First, the bad news: United Airlines is raising prices on their FF rewards. This means you’ll need more points to pay for a ticket in 2009. Delta rumored to be changing their SkyMiles card loyalty program to reduce the amount of points gained when using the AmEx SkyMiles card.

The good news is that there are other ways to rack up miles and lots of FF deals to be found. Airlines are struggling to get those seats filled and are offering, often in conjunction with credit card companies and/or their own loyalty programs, deals to entice you to fly. I love Tim Winship’s blog over at SmarterTravel.com for alerts and resources for finding FF mile deals and info.

Check your mail (and the airlines’ websites) for changes in your Frequent Flyer rewards or airline loyalty programs!

Worthy of note: Airlines are also positioning to reduce the number of available seats per flight to help raise prices (and increase their profits). Some airlines are still imposing extra baggage fees plus surcharges for fuel and gawd-knows-what-else. Don’t forget to include those costs into your travel budget.

Jewelry/Diamonds

As the holidays are upon us, and the economic gloom looms over, start checking out small indies and chain jewelry retailers for deals on engagement/wedding rings. The price of gold is dropping a little and retailers are desperate for sales. Christmas and New Years are big engagement events so there are good sales going on right now. Do beware of going of out business sales. There are some larger chains that are closing for good. If you buy from one of these retailers, all sales are final and you’ll have zero recourse if there’s a problem with your ring.

Slightly cringe-worthy but a good resource if you’re not superstitious:  pawn shops are doing well right now and many have an increased inventory of wedding and engagement rings at low, low prices.