Aug 25 2008
Question Du Jour: Wording For Father & StepMom Hosting
DIY Bride member, imastep, has a question I’m hoping you etiquette-savvy readers can help out with:
I am looking for suggestions on how to word the invitations for my step-daughter’s wedding. Her father and I have paid for the engagement party, and are paying for the wedding ceremony, wedding reception, breakfast for out of town guests the morning of the wedding (and nearly all the guests are from the brides mother’s family), etc. Her mother is paying for her dress (they remain close), the grooms family is paying for the rehearsal dinner. My husband and I do want to include her mother’s name on the invitation (as well as the groom’s parents, e.g. son of…). But, at the same time, we do want it to be clear that my husband and I are the hosts of the party. None of the books seem to cover this situation…any suggestions?
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I’m the bride in a similar situation. We had it down to 3 options, and I let my parents choose. They were:
Mr. and Mrs. Dad request the honor of your presence at the marriage of Bride, daughter of Ms. Mom and Groom, etc, etc, etc
Together with our parents, Bride and Groom request, etc, etc
Mr. and Mrs. Dad with Ms. Mom request the honor, etc, etc
They chose the “together with our parents” option.
Good luck!
You could try something like this:
Mr. and Mrs. Father of the Bride
and
Mr. and Mrs. Mother of the Bride
request the honour of your presence
at the marriage of
Bride’s name
to
Groom’s name
son of Parents of the Groom
However that may suggest that the mother of the bride is also hosting. So you could say:
Mr. and Mrs. Father of the Bride
request the honour of your presence
at the marriage of
Bride’s name
daughter of Mother of the Bride and Father of Bride
to
Groom’s name
son of Groom’s Parents
That was the mother’s name is on there but it does not suggest she is hosting the party. This is just my opinion, I do not claim that it is etiquettely correct…..haha.
I’d suggest:
Mr. and Mrs. Father of the Bride
and Mrs. Mother of Bride
request…
…marriage
bride,
to
groom
groom’s parents
Even though it sort-of implies that mom is helping out with the reception, it’s probably the best option unless you want to go with the “Together with our parents” route…
For the brunch and other events that you are paying for, I would put on those enclosure cards,
Mr. and Mrs. Bride’s father/stepmother
invite you to join them for the rehearsal/farewell brunch
whether you do the together with our parents or not. It will acknowledge there too that you are hosting those events.
Hope that helps!
We found the best thing to do (two divorced sets of parents making 4 sets of parents all together) was to just put
Bride and Groom together with their families.
The thing is, it depends on how “hosting hungry” the parents really are. Some are adamant about showing that they are the hosts.
This is what I found on TheKnot.Com (LOVE this site). I think it sounds best.
Mr. and Mrs. Charles C. Miller
request the honor of your presence
at the marriage of his daughter
Karen Percy Miller
daughter of Ms. Rachel M. Wood
to Michael Francis Jacobson
Son of Mr. and Mrs. Jacobson
Saturday, the seventeenth of May
two thousand and eight
at half past four in the afternoon
They have all kinds of wordings for all kinds of situations. They specifically advised that this is the wording for divorced parents when one is hosting. Hope this helps. Happy wedding planning
)
I think that HylandsHoney is a good recommendation. I have never been in this situation so I don’t have any tips I could give you but it seems as if the Bride and Groom together with their families is the best suggestion, but I guess taking into consideration who really wants to be the host is important as well. I guess just follow your instincts and what you think is best for everyone.
I know you want to make clear that you’re hosting and the mother is not, but I think all of the above suggestions are really clunky. I’d put both the dad/stepmom’s name and mom’s name on two lines above the couples’ names as suggested above:
Mr. and Mrs. Father of the Bride
and Mrs. Mother of Bride
request…
…marriage
bride,
to
groom
groom’s parents
You’re really not supposed to put anyone’s name between the “bride to groom” lines. But, rules are made to be broken, so if you really want to make it clear that you’re hosting, go ahead and put your names at the top alone. I think it’s much ado about nothing though, as most people don’t pay attention to that sort of thing on the invite. Good luck!
It really just depends on how traditional you want the invite to sound. I agree w/ others that it can sound like too much. The most important people (B&G) know that you and Dad have contributed the most and will be eternally grateful. Mom and Groom’s parents will be appreciative that you thought to include them. I like the Knot example the best from ShBride:
Mr. and Mrs. Charles C. Miller
request the honor of your presence
at the marriage of his daughter
Karen Percy Miller
daughter of Ms. Rachel M. Wood
to Michael Francis Jacobson
Son of Mr. and Mrs. Jacobson
Saturday, the seventeenth of May
two thousand and eight
at half past four in the afternoon
Sorry, but to me it sounds like you are trying to draw attention to yourselves on the invitation. You should remember that this party is about the bride and groom, and they are the ones that care the most that you are hosting their wedding. I’m sure they are eternally greatful, but all of the suggestions seem really clunky with the “daughter of” below the brides name. I guess if you really want to make your name stand alone from the bride’s mother, you could, but to me, it seems weird to have a name inbetween the bride and groom’s names.
I vote for either putting:
Mr. and Mrs. Father of the Bride
and Ms. Mother of the bride
. . .
Or
“Together with our parents”
Keep it simple.
How about:
Mr. and Mrs. Bride’s Father and Stepmother, together with Mrs. Bride’s Mother, invite you to celebrate the marriage of (their daughter)
Bride to
Groom,
Son of Groom’s Parents
I realize the wording is only slightly different from what has been suggested above, but I think it subtly indicates precedence for the father and stepmother, while including the mother and not being too clunky.
I agree with Mandy, that this is about the bride and groom and it will come across as “catty” to make the emphasis on who is paying…my daughter is getting married next May and her paternal grandmother is paying for the dress and my husband and I are paying for the rest…and I wouldn’t want to do anything to draw attention negatively about people’s contributions or inability to help out…
afterall, it is about my sweet pea and making it a beautiful and peaceful day for her and that is all that matters..and it is what she will remember.